Mar 27, 2012

Gift Bags

Today was supposed to be a joyous day, filled with lots of smiles, instead it took a turn for the worse.

There are 12 months in a year. It consists of 52 weeks. Within these weeks there are 365/364 days. You choose to call one day. One day out of 365/364 days. Are the others not as important to hear my voice?

I remember once for my birthday we lit one candle on a cake and took off the lights and there they were. Fireflies. How? I have no idea how they came to be at that moment. That moment that can never be imitated. That moment that can never be erased from my memory. I wished we could have  shared more moments like those. Oh how I wish.

When you minified our relationship I was left wounded. On hearing the news of your new bundle of joy, once again I was shot down. Unable to stop the tears of betrayal I looked to my right and saw the tears in her eyes as well. If she can get the courage to move ahead so can I. “What a petty thing I wasted tears on”, I thought years later.

“You never learn”

I’ve watched you hurt me over and over. How stupid of me to think this year would be different. Such tall bars were set for you on hearing praises about you from her. It annoyed me the most when she talked about you like the past never happened. She was the bigger person in us three. She knew how to forgive. I, on the other hand, I am your blood. I have the same nasty thoughts you have.  Funny isn’t it? Though I have something you don’t anymore and that’s, Her. She taught me to be a better person than you can ever be. Hence I’ll always be happy without your presence.

The pain still strikes me on the mention of you. I can’t will away that pain. I do wish I can.
So, I apologise for hitting that ignore button on the phone on seeing your number. I apologise for not being of your kind. I apologise for not being there for you to bring me down. I apologise for taking away for freedom. Lastly, I apologise for not being the son you always wanted.