Sense of Inferiority

Can one day pass when you don’t give your harsh opinions?

We’ve been friends since ages. I have adjusted to the person who you are, accepted your flaws, appreciated your uniqueness. However as of late something has changed. I’m not sure if you’ve always been like this or if I’m now realizing what was behind closed doors. Your so call “complements” have been somewhat bitter. Obviously you’re one of my closet friends and your excuse is that you simply want to be honest. Honesty vs. your friend’s feelings, you choose my dear…

At the beginning I accepted your sarcasm and turned a blind eye to those petty jokes. However you seem to think that just because I didn’t say anything its cause I didn’t take you on OR probably didn’t mind. I have news for you love. I DO take you on. I DO HEAR every single criticism. Finally, I DO feel a pinch in my chest every time you say your “funny remarks.” Why is it that everything I do, inferior to your liking? What’s the bigger picture that I’m not seeing! Is this suppose to make me stronger cause I’m weak?

Of course I’m weak towards you because I’m blinded by love and affection towards you. Honey, everyone has their limits. At present you’re really passing mines and pissing me off. I won’t lash out at you because that not who I am. I try my best to be the nice character in your story but you’re making it so difficult to be around you lately. Your remarks are becoming too much for me to handle. I don’t mean to come off as a brat but it’s growing into something that’s a bother towards me.

When I’m tearing it’s your job to replace that frown with a smile. It’s your place to help me make those memorable memories when we look absolutely stupid. It’s your place to run in the rain with me and say that’s what fun is. It’s your place to make me laugh at my faults and forget them while focusing on my benefits. It’s your place to build me up and not break me down day by day. I’m not perfect so stop waiting for that day to arrive.

….[sigh*] I’ll continue as nothing is wrong and continually forgive your hurtful words. Don’t blame me the day I say harsh remarks at you dearie…

 -Amethyst

...Baggage

People try their best to forget the horrible events they encountered in the past. Sadly, as time goes by reality kicks in and the incidents you thought you had “come to terms with” lashes out at you. The emotions felt are somewhat like being in a party with loud music but with a massive headache that just causes more irritability by the second.Unexpected, the curtains come up and it’s like I’m reliving those horrible moments with you in sight.

Is it my fault, then why do I feel like I am?

Is it because that constantly behind my back you whisper it, that I Am to blame but your too weak to hurt me directly. Hence you provoke me by hurting the only person I have, the only one I can trust, the only one I could probably ever love.With my world in your palms you pretend to be God and play me like a puppet.

Why must your harsh voice echo in my mind?

Even though years upon years have passed your tone of voice on that day has scared me for eternity. I wonder how you live with yourself. Getting up each morning waking up next to your “family” and thinking all’s well. You went through a rough time as well but shouldn’t you have been the bigger person to go down the right part? Who am I to judge You. For all I know I could be your reflection in time to come.  

Faking it

I get up each morning and say thanks I’m still with her and that I am her rock and she’s mine. Pretend that none of the sort had ever occurred. “It was all just a dream” I try to convince myself.

As the hot water drops on my face the memories of soaking her wounds with that same steaming water infiltrates my mind. Unfortunately, some water sneaks out from my eyes and I wipe them away.  Off to school with cloths on my back and a big fake smile that implies I’m fine.

No one knows what another person goes through because each individual is unique. They hurt differently as well as heal. However only that individual knows his/her true baggage…

 -Amethyst